The state of Saxony, Germany, has a castle for sale.(NYT, 4/25/97) In fact, it has several for sale, but one in particular caught my attention. The Gaussig castle, complete with thirty acres of land, a Gothic chapel, a stocked library and a ballroom, is being offered to any buyer for the low, low price of one German mark. For those of you who struggled through economics like I did, a German mark is the equivalent of a U.S. dollar, only cheaper. At current rates, the castle is attractively priced at about 58 cents.

I know, you’re thinking, Ed, what’s the catch? To this question I must reply that I would never pass along a deal like this if it had strings attached. My integrity wouldn’t allow me to knowingly dupe you, the consumer. For this reason I must confess there is one small, non-negotiable clause to the buyer’s contract before you sign on the dotted line. The state of Saxony requires the owner to renovate the castle to restore its former splendor. The cost? A mere $7 million. I can sense a little hesitation now to making this real estate venture.

I am determined to own a castle. It’s been a dream of mine ever since I was a kid, and I just can’t pass up a deal like this. As always, I have a plan. First, I buy the castle and convert it into a hotel. The problem with this is the location. Saxony is one of the former-Communist-but-now-united-German-states. It’s not real high on the tourist list. I suspect I will have trouble finding banks willing to lend me a couple million dollars, despite my excellent credit history. This is where you come in. I figure if we all pitch in, we can afford to renovate the castle and time share it like a condo on the beach. Any interested parties please make your checks payable to Edward L. Cox, Chairman of the Buy-Ed-A-Castle Foundation. Don’t worry about silly things like contracts, we’ll take care of all that at the foundation. I have to go brush up on my German.