The article goes on to explain that there's a better way to raise veal calves and still get to eat them. This naturally peaks my interest, since I'm not totally insensitive. I'm in favor of anything that makes the lives of these animals more comfortable until I get to eat them. Here it is folks-free range veal. They scamper around the fields of Jamie Nicoll's farm in Virginia until they're old enough to end their happy existence and end up on my plate. At this point, I'm very excited about Jamie as both a carnivore and a humane farmer until I see the price for his product: $25 a pound. Suddenly, Jamie seems like the kind of fellow who needs to be beaten severely on the charge of greed.

As I said, people will buy almost anything, from free range veal to oxygen. Yes, you heard me correctly. In Vancouver, Canada, a new bar has opened up where you can buy, get ready for this, oxygen. I'm not kidding. Citing the benefits of breathing air, which I thought had already been established, the bar allows people to come in off the street, sit down and order several minutes of oxygen which can be consumed through individual tubes. For a small extra fee, you can even get flavored oxygen. I'll settle for a hamburger and the great outdoors.