Believe it or not, this is not the dumbest act ever performed by one of my friends. That distinction goes to my friend Eric, who, and I am not making this up, was once arrested by the German police for stealing license plates. I must admit to being an accomplice in this event. I know what you're thinking; Ed, so what? What's the matter with a harmless prank like stealing someone's license plates? Believe me, we made the same case to the German police, who promptly refused to hear any logical explanations simply because we were speaking English.

The Germans, advanced as they are, continue to fly in the face of convention by speaking German, thus rendering us completely incomprehensible to them. I figured if I explained the situation and apologized, we'd all have a good laugh and then go to the local pub for a beer, the only thing I do know how to pronounce in German (it's remarkably similar to the English word for beer.) The situation did not run as smoothly as that, but it eventually sorted itself out and I went on with life, but you see what I'm driving at. Never drink and swim while trying to speak English to German authorities. Or something like that.