ROOK

"You don’t expect me to drive you, do you?" Richard was so far past drunk that the idea of his driving, especially in downtown London, was preposterous. "I’ll walk you to the corner where you can always get a cab," he said, even though it was probably 1:30 at night.

We walked toward the corner, I tripping on every crack in the sidewalk and Richard walking face-first into a lamp post. It had been a wonderful night, full of stories, good food, and too-wonderful wine.

Richard Rook was a Leftenant Colonel in the British Army and the UK representative to a NATO task force I attended. We had hit it off instantly and each time I was in London I made it a point to get together with him and his wife, Rachel. I love the way Brits talk, especially well-educated and accomplished ones such as Richard. Rachel was perhaps even more educated and accomplished. She was now a highly-paid attorney with a large London firm. The two of them were delightful and amusing company.

This evening I had been invited to their home, which was in a building they owned in a section of London which had been totally destroyed during the blitz in world War II. They lived on the first two floors and rented out the top floor. I was led directly through the kitchen to the "garden" where Richard was fussing with his "barby." He was going to try grilling out and wanted my professional opinion, as an American, of his efforts. He succeeded far better than most Americans.

It was summer and it stayed light until nearly 11. As soon as it started to darken, Rachel excused herself. She had a hard day ahead. Besides, she had heard all of Richard’s stories, whereas I was thoroughly entranced. There were lots of great stories, but the best was about his very first assignment in the Army.

That first assignment was to Hong Kong. His first job was to get there. He did have specific guidance as to how he was to proceed, but it involved spending several weeks in travel.

First he took a train to London and then a plane to Cairo, where he boarded a ship to Hong Kong. On the train he met another subaltern who inquired as to his destination and then sat with him to London exchanging histories and philosophies. When he boarded the plane to Cairo he was seated next to a gentleman who said he was a retired Royal Marine. They chatted amiably the entire way and the older gentleman, who had served in Hong Kong himself, told Richard quite a bit about the challenges of duty there. Once aboard the ship he became acquainted with a captain who said he was also enroute to an assignment in Hong Kong. Naturally, the two had much in common and spent many hours in conversation, pondering what lay ahead of them.

When the ship docked at Hong Kong, Richard was met by a leftenant from his unit who had arrived with a lorry, a driver and a soldier, The soldier declared that he would be Richard’s batman, and made himself busy loading the baggage and generally fussing over Richard, his new charge. Since it was early afternoon, the leftenant said they would be going to the compound where Richard had an appointment to meet the Regimental Commander.

As they enterred the compound Richard noted that what he had learned from the retired marine was essentially correct. The compound was heavily fortified, which would have surprised him had he not learned such things from his companion. There were British soldiers guarding the gate, armed to the teeth , and exercising considerable caution about who they allowed to enter.

Richard was escorted to the colonel’s office. In the anteroom was the regimental sergeant major, who warmly greeted him and chatted him up for some ten or fifteen minutes before knocking on the colonel’s door and announcing that Subaltern Rook was waiting to see his new commander.

The colonel came to the door and welcomed Richard to the unit. He took him into the large office decorated with trophies of hundreds of years of foreign duty. He spent a few minutes showing some of those to Richard and explaining that he was joining a unit with a long and glorious history. Then he invited him to sit in a chair facing a window which looked out into the center of the compound. The colonel sat facing him, but left Richard’s view of the compound unobstructed. He then began an introductory talk about the unit’s mission, manning, equipment--that sort of stuff.

Richard tried to listen intently but activity outside the window was distracting him. First, a couple of soldiers came running from the front gate to just outside the window where they were gesturing wildly. In a minute or so, the sergeant major went out to see what the problem was. They gestured frantically toward the gate, which was within Richard’s view. He looked to the gate and saw that it had been closed and that there was an angry crowd of Chinese outside the gate, apparently attempting to enter the compound.

The sergeant major knocked at the colonel’s door, but the commander called out that he was busy and did not wish to be disturbed. Richard didn’t know what to do, but he had considerable faith in the ability of a sergeant major to deal with such a problem. He sat, somewhat agitated, listening as best he could to the colonel, who was rambling on and on.

The disturbance at the gate intensified quickly, and soon a few of the Chinese succeeded in scaling the fence and overwhleming the guards. Just at that moment, the sergeant major appeared with thirty or forty soldiers who repulsed the attack. The crowd outside the gate was growing in size and agitation.

The sergeant major again knocked at the colonel’s door. He entered without waiting for the colonel’s answer and said he really needed to talk with the colonel. The commander told him that he was sure whatever the sergeant major needed could wait a few more minutes while he welcomed in this new officer. The colonel then spoke severely to the sergeant major. "Please don’t disturb me until we’re finished here," he snarled.

Richard peered frantically out the window where he could see the gate being torn down by the angry mob. In a few minutes it crashed to the ground and the mob entered, only to encounter the reinforcements the sergeant major had brought out. Hand to hand fighting erupted and surged back and forth across the compound. Richard could see British soldiers and Chinese alike falling hurt and wounded. It appeared that the Chinese outnumbered the British by a considerable margin. It was likely that only rifle fire could save the day.

As the Chinese mob gained the upper hand Richard attempted to interrupt the colonel, but the old man would have none of it. He droned on and on about trivial and boring matters, seemingly oblivious to the riot and carnage going on right outside his window.

Finally, the sergeant major burst into the room announced that the colonel must take command immediately. He grabbed Richard and told him that he would get him out of the compound and to safety.

"Unpleasant way to start your assignment, what?"

He led Richard out a back door where there was an ambulance waiting. He told Richard to lie on one of the stretchers in the back, covered him with a blanket, and told the driver to try to get out the gate.

As the ambulance sped toward the gate, Richard heard the driver exclaim,

"Oh, no, they’ve got the colonel!"

Richard lifed his head and saw three Chinese taking the colonel away while others flailed at him with branches and sticks. At that moment the ambulance broke through the gate and left the angry scene behind.

The ambulance delivered Richard to a hotel far from the compound. The driver told him to spend the night comfortably, not to worry, things would no doubt be better in the morning. Be ready at 9, someone will pick you up.

Richard didn’t sleep that night. He was frantic over the fate of the compound, the colonel, his unit. What would he do the next day? Where would he go? He had no idea.

The next morning at breakfast he searched the newpaper for some mention of the attack, but found nothing about it. He asked the waiter at the hotel and was told that such events at the compound were commonplace and hardly worth printing in the paper. At 9 he was out in front, not knowing what or who to expect. A car pulled up with a soldier driving who told Richard he would be taken to work.

The car drove right back to the compound. When it entered the gate Richard noticed that the gate stood as if nothing had happened. There were now Chinese guards at the gate but they were wearing British uniforms. He was driven to the officers’ mess and, as they crossed to compound, he could see nothing amiss. It was as if nothing had happened. He was shown to the door of the mess and entered alone.

As he came through the door he was startled to see all the officers of the unit waiting for him. But they were all different. For example, the colonel wasn’t wearing the colonel’s uniform. He was a major. The sergeant major was now the colonel. Richard’s batman was another subaltern. The ambulance driver was now the sergeant major. The officers he had met enroute, as far away as England, were there, too, and not as they had portrayed themselves. The Chinese mob from the day before were the Chinese soldiers of the unit.

The whole thing, starting at the train station in his home town in England, had been a charade. This is certainly the most elaborate initiation I have ever heard of or imagined. To this day, every time I think about it, I wonder how they could have done it. Only the Brits!