LUNCHBOX

One day early in 1958 I heard a new expression, "out to lunch." It's difficult now to imagine that there was ever a time when that expression didn't exist, but I suspect I was an early devotee, since I listened daily to "hip and jivey" radio from New York City, where such things usually originate. I used it in Ceda's presence the next time I saw her and she was as amused by it as I was.

I didn't know it at the time, but Ceda is the one who originates most of my good ideas, often without my realizing it. She doesn't actually carry out the gags in most cases. She plants the idea with me and then clucks her tongue as I prepare to carry it out. Afterwards she acts as if she has to put with this foolishness, as though she wasn't the cause of it in the first place.

That was the scenario for the lunchbox. We were in town shopping for something else when we passed the display of metal lunchboxes, then manditory equipment for two large segments of the population: school children and bluecollar workers. She planted the seed of an idea for using a lunchbox as a symbol of being "out to lunch." I started thinking.

We bought a standard bluecollar lunchbox, the kind that normally had a thermos bottle clipped in the top, took it to her house, and painted it. When we were through it was pretty awful looking. It said "I-2 Out to Lunch Award" on it in big, bright letters.

I took it back to West Point with me and got permission from the regular company commander, Dick Webb, to present it in the manner that Ceda and I had dreamed up. It would go the first classman (senior), my classmate, who made the biggest public goof during the preceding week. I wasn't sure there would actually be enough of those to award it every week so I made the rules such that if there was no winner the next week, the present holder kept it. That inspired everyone to keep their eyes open for awardable acts. The rules specified that the awardee had to carry the lunchbox with him wherever he went for the next week, except formations, which would have been contrary to regulations. I couldn't think of any reg against carrying it to class or the gym. I was sure the tactical department would try to find a way to outlaw it, but I didn't think there was actually any rule against it.

I've long since forgotten who the first two or three recipients were or what they did to earn it. The last one, however, Red Warner, one of our football players, was the acting company commander. In those days they used to put in a couple of acting chains of command during the winter when parades and visitors to the Academy were few. The purpose was to give more firstclassmen the opportunity to command. It led to some humorous situations.

Most firstclassmen had enough experience and confidence that the change wasn't even noticeable. Some didn't. Red seemed a little jittery as company commander. This was somewhat amusing to me, that a guy who played football against Penn State, for example, and won, would be intimidated by drill and ceremonies. Anyway, coming back from a practice review one day Red forgot to halt the company when we marched up to the barracks. Of course, the front rank just marched in place while he struggled to remember that complicated command, "Company, Halt!" No harm done, but a certain winner of the lunchbox.

I always presented the award before Sunday dinner, which did mean that it was carried in one formation because we marched to meals. That week I presented it to Red who, as acting company commander, had a valid and reasonable excuse not to carry it. Just as the other recipients had, Red took it in good humor and carried it with him as he marched the company into the messhall. I noted the next day that he was carrying it as required. I still wonder at the willingness of my classmates to allow me to do that to them.

Then one day I heard a rumor that the lunchbox had been confiscated. I found Red and he said it was true. He had placed it prominently on his desk in one of his classes, causing his classmates to ask about it. The instructor found this distracting and confiscated it. I heard nothing about it for the rest of the year and pretty much forgot about it. The gag had worked for a few weeks and we had all had fun with it. I was happy.

On graduation day at West Point there are two ceremonies. Graduation is the big one with the field house or stadium full of cadets, their families and girl friends, many of whom will be wives in a matter of hours. The second ceremony is almost private. The graduates assemble by companies and are sworn in by their company Tacs, thereby being commissioned as 2d lieutenants.

At the conclusion of the I-2 commissioning ceremony, Captain Bell called out, "Lieutenant McGrew". I replied and he directed me to follow him to his office. I had no idea what this could be about but couldn't think of anything bad that it might be since I had just graduated and didn't attend there anymore. What could he do to me at this point?

When we got to his office he pulled out the I-2 lunchbox and said,

"This is yours, I believe."

I have no idea how he knew it was mine. Since it was "presented" to me as we left West Point, I guess I was the ultimate winner of the out to lunch award. I was also the first one not to carry it with me wherever I went.