BABY RUTHS

The Russian Language Class comprised about 15 officers and 40 enlisted men. The enlisted men were unusually bright and had mostly enlisted for the language training and subsequent assignment to the Army Security Agency. The officers, at least the Army officers, were pursuing a specialty as a Foreign Area Officer.

One of the captains, Bill, was having a little difficulty learning the language and had found that he could avoid being the lowest standing officer in the class by continually upsetting another captain who was also having some trouble and seemed to be easily upset. Bill was getting a bad reputation with his classmates.

At the same time, Bill had invited himself to play golf with two lieutenant colonels. Playing for a dime a stroke, they caught him cheating on the first hole. They estimated that if he played horribly and they played unusually well, it might cost him $3! They noted more instances of forgotten strokes, balls thrown out of the rough, and "inadvertent" kicks during the day, all of which they called to his attention. At the end of the round, Bill asked if he could play with them again the next Saturday. The man apparently had no class.

The cheating at golf and the victimization of his classmate continued unabated. Although everyone remained civil toward him, they were getting more and more annoyed at his antics.

One day, while several of the officers were sitting outside between classes, one of the golf-playing lieutenant colonels said he was going to the candy machine and would be happy to pick up a candy bar for anyone. No one wanted one.

Conversation continued until the colonel returned with a handful of Baby Ruths. He said, "I put a dime into the candy machine and two Baby Ruths came out, plus my dime came back in the change return. I tried it again and I got two more Baby Ruths and my dime back. I only want one myself, does anyone else want a Baby Ruth?"

The candy bars were distributed and consumed over the next few minutes and then Bill got up and said he thought he would go for a cup of coffee. He disappeared in the direction of the coffee machine, which was near the candy machine. In a few minutes he was back, highly irate.

He asked which candy machine the colonel had used. It was the same one he had just been to. He had put in two dimes and gotten one Baby Ruth each time and no dime back. And he didn't even like Baby Ruths!

Bill tried to sell his Baby Ruths to no avail and left muttering about the machine, fate, and the two candy bars melting in his hand.

I turned to the colonel and asked, "You didn't really get those candy bars for free, did you?"

He gave me a little smile and said, "Nah."